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Archive for November, 2007

Positive Progress

I have just returned to Orlando from a house hunting trip in my new town. It really is such a cute, quaint, welcoming town. I grew up in a small town without much anonymity. I moved to moderate towns in PA (Harrisburg & Wilkes-Barre/Scranton) and NY (Binghamton) as well as large towns (San Jose, CA & Orlando, FL) and learned to enjoy the anonymity that is provided there. Now I need to learn how to act in a small town again (making sure to look around to see if I recognize anyone, driving with courtesy, etc.).

We were only in town for 2 full days and found an apartment and purchased all necessary furniture. It became very overwhelming at times because the reality really hit me. My apartment will be on the second floor so I should be getting good with stairs shortly, I hope.

On the flight back to Orlando, I accidentally left my purse on the plane. I didn’t realize this until we had already arrived at our vehicle. Bob dropped me off at the departure area to contact someone about my error. I had to rush quickly to the ticket counter to talk to someone. The good news was that my purse was found. The bad news was that I had to rush to gate 97 to get it. This meant going through security again and getting onto the tram and to the gate to ask for ‘Alexis’.

Bummer, you think, right?

Actually, this was a blessing in disguise. To catch the tram going to the gate, I had to get up to a slow jog to get on in time. I DID IT! I haven’t been able to run since the big, bad stroke. Actually, I *could* jog, but it was painful and a level beyond awkward. Maybe, because I wasn’t over-thinking, it wasn’t too bad, slightly awkward and a little uncomfortable, but do-able!

Okay, so I won’t be able to run from someone. But, I can lightly jog to avoid getting drenched in the rain or catch up to something/someone. This is huge for me. It is a baby step, but a step nonetheless.

As I came back and caught up with my husband, I was giddy with excitement. Like my dad, he knows how to beat the happiness and excitement out of me without the intention to do so. In his happiness, he played on it to the point that it was no longer positive for me. He means well and I appreciate his feelings and intent. I told him that he can no longer talk about it or else I will deny the entire experience!

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Today is my two year recognition of my stroke.

Life is so much better at 2 years out than 1 year.

I am coming around to acceptance. I don’t know if I will ever totally get there but I am coming around.

This whole experience has really been a trial in so many areas of my life. Work-wise, it has really made me question myself and lose confidence in my intelligence and abilities. Of course this has positives (made me work harder to get my Ph.D.)and negatives (losing confidence has had the most detrimental effect on my work life). Marriage-wise, the stroke made me more dependent on my husband. Again, positives (I was *too* independent BS [before stroke] and needed to need Bob again) and negatives (the fine line between a healthy amount of dependence and an unhealthy amount) but I think I am getting it figured out.

I recently got some great news – I got a job! In my field! Although the interviewing was rough, I think it will be a really good job for me.

I will be moving to Illinois (from Florida) so that should be an interesting shock to my system. It will be good though. I am moving to a small town that is very cute, quaint, and welcoming. Bob, my husband, will not be moving with me.

That sounds ominous, doesn’t it?

We discussed this long and in-depth and decided that while this is a great career move for me, he has invested a lot of himself in the company he works for here in Orlando and isn’t ready to leave yet. We have a plan – in 6-9 months, we will re-evaluate the situation to determine if it is working for us. If we both are attached to our work, we will take it from there. If one of us is ready to (a) move back (me) or (b) move forward (him), then we move back/forward. We lived in separate states for the first five years of our marriage so we have experience and are very good at the long distance relationship stuff. We have a ton of trust in each other and are really good at communication.

I’m excited, nervous, and really looking forward to this next phase. I will actually be winning a lot of bread for our family and can’t wait to be useful and a contributing member of our relationship. YAY!!

In summary, I like the two year ‘stroke-aversary’ better than the one year!

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