Archive for January, 2009

I made a man cry

Although the title makes it sound as though I a badass, I’m not.

The IT guy came to my office to update my office-mate’s computer. While waiting for my office-mate to leave, IT guy (forgot his name) and I chatted. He started telling me about recent surgeries he has had on his spine and showed me the scars on his neck from the surgery. He has been having difficulty with numbness, pain, and temperature regulation issues. I started to relate some of my experiences/feelings with him and we compared some war stories. We both hate walking downstairs far more than upstairs (much farther fall) and we both went back to work far too early. I told him that it is frustrating to return to work prematurely – I, as well as most everyone around me, expected that I would be able to do much of what I used to do, BS (before stroke). It is a huge confidence blow to realize that you just can’t. His face crumpled and he started to cry. Aw crud. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I couldn’t very well comfort him physically because of all the pain he is in that he just told me about. So, I just sat there awkwardly until he gained his composure. I wish I would have gotten his name so that I could offer some level of support for him. Poor guy.

Whenever I would hear about someone having ‘some good days and some bad days’ I used to (BS) think that it was a choice. It isn’t. I don’t get to choose when my balance will work. I don’t get to choose when my ankle will hold and when it won’t. There are choices about how to handle these situations, but I don’t get to choose the situations themselves. I find it very sad and frustrating when things don’t work and I’m caught off guard because they worked yesterday, I just do.

I think that my CNS (central nervous system) is improving as the temperature regulation issues seem to be abating. I’m rather happy about this – warming up my left leg/foot is much easier as it doesn’t allow itself to get so cold now and can warm itself up easier. I’m over the moon about this. I have always had a lower than normal body temperature (my average is 97.1) and am usually cold (which is why I loved living in FL so much!) so this is huge! YAY!! Or as Bob likes to spell it – YEY!!

Bob is in the Turks and Caicos on the Provodenciales island for a month – due back February 12th. I miss him but like that I only have myself to rely upon. I enjoy independence as much as I enjoy Bob. Thankfully, I don’t have to choose! We will be going to Mexico at the end of February for his cousin’s wedding – what fun!


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