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Archive for July, 2012

Incubation

Okay, so I am making another person now. It’s exhausting! 😉 Interestingly, the first trimester is pretty similar to the after effects of surviving a stroke:

1. Queasy a lot.
2. A little pukey, but not much.
3. Forgetting words – please. I perfected the work-around for finding words a couple years ago. I actually got a job in which the interview was basically me doing charades and the interviewers guessed the words. I’m not joking. That was my State Farm interview. I knew what I was talking about but couldn’t access the words and they were really good sports about it. It also happened on my ‘exit interview’ (leaving party). I couldn’t remember something and I was describing it and some random guy standing nearby said the term. Thanks, random guy!

So, I *have* to be on anti-convulsants since a seizure would be pretty bad for this wee parasite I’ve got. To reduce any possible side-effects of my medication, I chose to completely stop anti-depressants. All was going really well until about 2 weeks ago.

Depression is trying desperately to sink it’s teeth into me and I’m now having to make the very difficult decision whether it would be better for me to return to meds or to white-knuckle it through the pregnancy. That would mean 30 more weeks of this. I have an appointment with my awesome therapist to discuss it as well as my obstetrician. This is not an easy decision. Maybe, if I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, I can make it. BUT, I’m already having passive thoughts of suicide, which wouldn’t be helpful to me or the parasite.

I’m truly torn. I need to find time for some introspection to see if I have it in me to stick it out. I think that I have that strength, but is it worth it to take that risk?

In any case, I will make the best decision for me and Kermit here (a friend suggested this nickname and I just loved it).

Oooh, I just have to tell you the story of how I became all knocked up/in the family way/killed a rabbit/got pregnant.

I had been doing fertility treatments for over a year – this includes lots of hormones (that made me gain ~20 pounds in that year) and giving myself shots in the stomach. In addition, I went through more than half a dozen rounds of IUI (intrauterine insemination) that truly isn’t all that fun and is just a little painful. After 7(? I don’t recall the exact number, I might be blocking that out) rounds of IUI, Bob was in Nigeria and I decided to give myself a one month reprieve and start up again the next month. While in Nigeria, Bob was offered a bowl of “Nigerian Fertility Soup”. This is his description:

“It is green, the texture of mucus and tasted like Nigeria smells.”

I have never been to Nigeria, but I took that to mean, it wasn’t the tastiest soup he’d ever had. He came home and Voila!

Stupid $3.00 soup. I could have saved literally thousands of dollars and a lot of anguish by just having Bob slurp that damn soup.

Anyway – yay!

P.S. I totally forgot to mention that I have been on a program with a personal trainer (yes, how very fancy of me…he’s really cheap though) and am lifting weights 3x/week. I’m getting so much stronger and it feels awesome. 🙂

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