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Archive for March, 2013

Hello Kermit!

He’s here! My beautiful and awesome baby boy – Andrew Paulsen Rehfeld. I was so excited to meet him but didn’t want him outside in the world because 1. it was so very cool to feel him move and hiccup 2. I could protect him so much better while he was in me. I’m so totally going to be an overprotective parent. Bob will have to be my counterpart and help TRY to reason with me – good luck, pal.

I was neglectful of my blog for a long time because I was a freaky pregnant person – I was constantly, persistently scared that something was wrong – he was going to die any second all of the time. Right after hearing his heartbeat, I was absolutely convinced that he had died and we wouldn’t ever hear his heartbeat every again. I simply didn’t trust myself to write anything for a very silly reason – what if I wrote about my fears and they came true? I’m a practical, logical person but this fear was overwhelming.

In any case, my pregnancy went really well and there was probably no need for me to be in the Super Duper Really High Risk category, but I felt much safer being in that category and having that safety net. I had scheduled my planned c-section for February 4, 2013 (planned section due to needing to avoid valsalva – pushing) and didn’t tell most people because, again, I was scared that something would go wrong.

We had to call the hospital at 7 am to make sure there was a bed for me and we had to be there by 8:30 am. Thankfully, there was room and we made the 45 min trek to the hospital. We got in pretty quickly and got started on the procedures to get me into the operating room. A fairly new nurse tried to put a rather large gauge needle into my hand and immediately blew a vein. That started a domino effect that was not pretty. Bob was standing at my side and I looked at him and told him that I didn’t feel good. I always mean it when I say this. Always. Anyway, no one was listening or didn’t care. Well, my BP dropped to 60/30 and I fainted twice. Andrew’s pulse dropped to 100. Well, they took me seriously then! Apparently, from what Bob said, I got a lot of attention. Doctors rushed in, an IV was started in my elbow pit (where it should’ve been in the first place, IMO), and was rolled over to my left side to help Andrew out. I came to in tears for some reason and was surrounded by people who looked rather relieved that I could talk to them.

Then I started having contractions! It was probably going to be Andrew’s birthday no matter what! Bob was taken out to get gowned up and I walked to the OR (without undies, of course – how embarrassing!). I got the spinal block and was terrified that it would be reminiscent of being paralyzed. Thankfully, it was a totally different sensation. Bob came in and sat by my head and I think we both appreciated that the screen was high enough so that neither of us could see a thing. After a lot of tugging and whatnot (the doctor said that right after the incision, Andrew thrust his arm out the opening as either a ‘fight the man’ or a wave of hello). I remember the doctor saying “well, hello!” but they took him out the normal way, not by taking his hand. While I was being tugged about, Andrew went to the incubator and Bob followed. He started wailing (and sounded like a duck!) and I started bawling – I have no idea why. I got to meet him about an hour later and was (and still am) pretty sure that his is the most awesome baby to ever be (though, I might be a *little* biased).

It is now nearly 5 weeks later and I still think he is awesome. Thankfully, Bob and I switch off nights to get up with him, but he usually only wakes up twice a night (yes, I realize that I’m lucky). So, one of us gets a good night of sleep every other night. This will come in very handy when I go back to work.

I’ve felt as though I could never be the mother he deserves because I’m still limited by the aftereffects of the stroke. Although, he wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t stroked (the stroke led to therapist which led to reconsidering a lot of my choices). In addition, this clearly is an indication of depression (as well as other behaviors that I’ve been watching for). I have an appointment with my GP to restart anti-depressants soon. I’m well aware of PPD and general depression and I will act quickly once I see signs. Now that hormones are stabilizing, my brain chemistry is going back to pre-pregnancy and, therefore, need to be corrected/supplemented/however you want to see it with medication. Not only have I accepted that, I believe it to be necessary and needed – much like insulin for diabetics.

All-in-all, life is pretty great. I’m bowled over with the awesomeness of this kid, but also with the accompanying responsibility that he represents. I plan to be around and take care of myself for as long as possible to watch him become an awesome person.

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