Archive for December, 2013

The tale of two cities

*It was the best of times*

I feel as though I am improving in the memory department. Partly because I am working on it with Lumosity.com and partly because I have reduced my concern and effort with my physical limitations. So..yay!

Andrew and I are getting so much closer. His personality is developing so rapidly and we enjoy watching him learn and grow. I try to compensate for my physical limitations and he cuts me some slack. It’s teamwork at its best. 😉 His favorite activity right now is holding on to fingers and zipping every where, usually at a dead run. He will sit on your lap acting all innocent and pat your hands, then he grabs your fingers and you are stuck. I think that I’m partly getting a little better with my own walking and coordination simply by walking with him around the house, but dang it is a back breaker!

Some of my confidence is returning and I’m holding my ground on some things that I would have let go before. I’ve kept my mouth shut on many things at work and some stuff got out of control. For instance, I had to block a coworker because she was using information on Facebook for work stuff. It was inappropriate and infuriating. I felt that if someone who I thought I had a good relationship with was going to treat me poorly, they didn’t deserve my friendship. It was a hard decision, but once I made it, I was swift and decisive. It felt pretty good to avoid that type of drama, especially since there was no way that I could feel comfortable with her in an informal setting.

*It was the worst of times*

Okay, that is totally dramatic, but it is the first line and the most famous line in that book, so I had to include it.

Not really the *worst* of times. I got all of my test results. The MRIs (4 of them – 1 MRI of the brain without contrast, one with contrast, and I forgot the other two – ha!) and all came out normal. The sleep deprivation EEG which was, well…it was not nice. I was put in a dark, warm room. Fell asleep for about 20 minutes, the technician wakes me up and tells me to stay awake for 2 minutes. This is after I stayed up for 27 hours. It was annoying and hard (the whole point of the test – to irritate the brain and record the reaction) and it came out all clear too. Finally, the 5 hour cognition testing with the neurological psychologist. I won’t bore you with the details of the tests, let’s just say that 5 hours is a really long time to continually test. Results? I am superior in a few areas (woo hoo!!), average in most areas (meh), and severely deficient in an area (dang). Overall, it is not representative of someone with my education. That was a punch in the gut. So, at least there is 1. improvement with Lumosity.com (I do not get paid to talk about it, I just think it is pretty awesome) and 2. there are workarounds such as more time and repetitions.

So, not the worst. There is a lot of hope here.

*On a separate note*

You have a sixth sense. We all do. A couple of examples: Bob can analyze anything. Anything anything. He is also compassionate and can separate his feelings for the person from their behavior. I really admire that. Also, my brother can detect bullshit from a mile away. He cuts through it and will call you on it. It’s really valuable if he is on your side. Otherwise, yikes. 🙂

My sixth sense was deep compassion for people and the ability to trust and connect with people quickly. I’ve lost that and I’m really sad about it. I hope that it is from the dulling effect of the antidepressants rather than brain damage. That way, if I can ever stop the antidepressants, it will come back.

So, as you can tell, my best of times REALLY bigger, more impressive, and overwhelms the worst of times by leagues. And leagues. And more leagues. All of the leagues! I’m stubborn and I will make it no matter what.



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